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Is America Ready for a Hawaiian President?
Feb 17th 2008 8:00PM
Filed Under:eBarack Obama, Featured Stories, Primaries, 2008 President, Race, Ken Layne's Outrage
This election season has already seen so many "firsts," including a lady candidate, an extremely old and crazy candidate, a Mormon candidate whose Mormon dad was also a candidate (40 years ago), a Mexican candidate, and a man-who-dresses-like-a-lady candidate. If only Dr. Martin Luther King, Lyndon Johnson or Ted Kennedy were still alive today, they would surely approve of this motley group of losers we've boldly considered for the American presidency.But there is one hurdle of humanity we, as a nation, may not be quite ready to jump: Even with all of America's race problems solved, are we, as a nation, ready to send a Hawaiian to the White House?
Presidential "hopeful" Barack Obama is, as you may have learned from the teevee, a native of the distant, mysterious "Sandwich Islands" of Hawaii.
While we sometimes consider these romantic isles as "part of the non-contiguous and non-continental United States of America," Hawaii did not become a civilized U.S. state until August 21, 1959. The Hawaii where Barack Obama was born -- just two years later -- was still a wild tropical paradise. Here is how Mark Twain described the islands where the Infant Obama grew up:

All the natives are Christians, now, but many of them still desert to the Great Shark God for temporary succor in time of trouble. An irruption of the great volcano of Kilauea, or an earthquake, always brings a deal of latent loyalty to the Great Shark God to the surface. It is common report that the King, educated, cultivated and refined Christian gentleman as he undoubtedly is, still turns to the idols of his fathers for help when disaster threatens.So it is important to wonder if a Hawaiian president would also worship the Great Shark God when disaster strikes.
But there's a more crucial question for our troubled nation: Would the Great Shark God choose to help "the mainland" solve our many problems? If so, perhaps it is time to hope for the kind of change that could maybe be "good" for the country instead of having everything be so terrible all the time.
Perhaps a Hawaiian could be the American president, after all.
Ken Layne is the managing editor of Wonkette.
Recent Comments
(Page 1 of 6)jpgoodrow9:23PMFeb 17th 2008
OBAMA IS AFRAID TO DEBATE CLINTON anymore than he is forced to because he has no answers for how he will actually deliver any of the TRILLION DOLLAR promises he is trading for votes.
Even McCain and the GOP are laughing at his delusions of "bringing the GOP on board" with his ideas.
HILLARY '08
Because Experience DOES Matter
griefencounters9:26PMFeb 17th 2008
I COULDN'T CARE LESS WHICH STATE HE IS FROM. I have NO confidence Obama is ready to protect this nation and our soldiers.
America desperately needs great leadership, not just great speeches with no substance to back them up.
This latino will vote for Hillary or McCain to protect or nation.
Surfundeep9:31PMFeb 17th 2008
A Hawaiian President?...why not, just rename special-interest awards as
Poi-barrel earmark$$$$.
Surfundeep9:36PMFeb 17th 2008
So what's the big deal about being Hawaiian...at least it's now a state. McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone, a former U.S. "quasi-territory" by some legal definitions....never a "full" U.S. Territory ala Virgin Islands,Samoa, or Puerto Rico.
jenn9:50PMFeb 17th 2008
I was going to pick... sure we've had a canadian, but then I saw why not one from another Country. Excuse me but Hawaii is part of the UNITED STATES!!! I don't see what the big deal is, people really need to start educating themselves on things that 3rd graders learn!!
Ryan9:54PMFeb 17th 2008
For all you Hillary supporters, please do us a favor and list 5 areas where she has more experience than Obama. If being First Lady means she "gained experience," why not make Chelsea Clinton Secretary of State? I'm sure she "gained experience" as the First Child.
jenn9:59PMFeb 17th 2008
Stop misrepresenting people born in Hawaii. Everyone in Hawaii do not have an amakua!! That is the Hawaiian culture, not just anyone born there. It's a preference... People who are born there like Caucasians, Asians... are not HAWAIIAN! They're born in Hawaii, but they can't attend Kamehameha schools unless you have Hawaiian blood. It's like saying all Americans are Christians, when in reality that's not true. Even people who have Hawaiian blood don't even know who their amakua is. A good amount of people are mixed there. I'm so sick of people thinking that all Hawaii people are the same, that they all surf, speak pidgin... when reality is it's not true. Only people who are uneducated think that Hawaii is not part of the United States... but indeed we're United States citizens. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawaii
Katherine10:03PMFeb 17th 2008
Are we ready for a Hawaiian President?
This is the weakest article I have ever seen in my life.
Hawaii: Vote for Hillary!!
Buddy Davis10:17PMFeb 17th 2008
I think if you will check with Ted Kennedy you will find he is STILL ALIVE. Maybe you should stay with your High School Newspaper and learn how to check your facts, imbecile.
mary10:21PMFeb 17th 2008
I cannot for the life of me, imagine why Hillary is the candidtae of the poor or Latinos. She went to Yale Law school. FGS. Why, did she have a mexican nanny for Chelsea.?? Never saw her drinking beer.
Dave Clark10:38PMFeb 17th 2008
I don't care what color, race, nationality or state Obama is from. We are (If you don't know) The United States Of America. A man cares about his country and wants to run for President and he's getting votes. Can't we just say that? I don't care if they are Latino votes, Jewish votes, black votes- why must we always seperate? Black people are African-American, I'm not white-I'm Italian. Let's knock this color crap out. We are all people making one nation. Let's stop the seperating and come together. Give the man a chance.
kenbomc10:47PMFeb 17th 2008
Definition of PANIC- Hillary's sinking Campaign
Hillary is not a leader. She has terrible judgement -look at her campaign's sloppiness. Her health care plan will force everyone to be covered by it by garnishing your wages, making it a crime for not joining, etc. For you Latinos out there, remember Hillary blamed her sinking campaign on her head campaign manager by firing her -who is Latino.
charles Monaghan10:50PMFeb 17th 2008
The people today are starting to just realize that Obama is just Rhetoric...he is an excellent speaker and has BSed the people with the word change and we can do....that doesn't work in Washington...our country is in the worst shape it has ever been in in history..and Obama doesn't have the know how or ability to know the ins and outs of the washington playing field to start solving these problems...Hillary definitely does....if god forbid the people give the nomination to Obama...the people will then have to vote for mad dog John McCain and everyone knows what that means.Hillary will take Wisconsin because the people are smart and she will now take almost evry state...the Obama speeches full of just fancy words has now run its course.
Kitty10:56PMFeb 17th 2008
THOSE DISPARAGING SENATOR CLINTONF FOR SUPPORTING LATINOS are the same tired bigots we are used to, but make an excellent unintended point.
Hillary has long supported Latinos and other minorities, women, children, the poor, homeless because she WANTS to, no because she has to.
HILLARY '08
A VOICE FOR ALL AMERICANS
VimalaNowlis11:29PMFeb 17th 2008
Obama maybe born in Hawaii but he was educated in a Wahabi Institute in Indonesia. As a fundamental Muslim, he is no Hawaiian.
Go08Vote12:04AMFeb 18th 2008
Barack Obama is false hope for the Democratic. His speech which helps his rise to fame will be his down fall in the end.
Can anyone tell me one country which has a black president and is prosper?
Can anyone tell me one state in USA that govern by a black person and is prosper?
Can anyone tells me one black community and is prospering?
If Obama become the nominee I will vote for McCain. American people will vote for McCain if Obama vs. McCain. My vote is for experience and prosperity. So, I will switch my vote for McCain.
The Right Wing Republican know and betting on the fact with 67% white population on Election Day. They will vote for white man over black man (that a hard fact but it is true).
I am not Republican or Democratic. I only support for Hillary because here what I know. When Bill Clinton was in office, America was prospering, surplus budget, Great Wall of Berlin went down, peace, and America is growing. Hillary will continue this legacy. Vote Now!
jenn12:05AMFeb 18th 2008
To VimalaNowlis:
You're a retard. He was in Indonesia from 6yrs. old to 10yrs. old... that does NOT represent a good amount of time educated there. He was born in Hawaii, and spend most of his childhood-teen life in Hawaii. His mom and Grandparents weren't rich, but they made sure to provide a good education. Stop speaking bullshit, and judging him from his early child years from 6YRS. OLD TO 10 YRS. OLD. MEANING OUT OF 18 YRS. IN HAWAII HE WAS ONLY GONE FOR 4 YRS FROM SUCH A YOUNG AGE IN LIFE.
People who keep saying these false malicious things should really educate themselves... you're making yourself look incredibly STUPID!
lperry12:10AMFeb 18th 2008
If we die for this country in Iraq, what are you racist talking about.
Check your genes, you may just have some black blood flowing through your veins.
You maybe black, as some whites have discovered.
You maybe passing for white. Not white because you would be the color of paper.
Carroll Johnson2:02AMFeb 18th 2008
Cheney is Baracks cousin fools. They should have a church picnic after Barack is elected. Baracks father was born in Kenya and his mother is from Kansas. His God given name was given from his parents. My God given name "Carroll," I am not a girl but I was ridiculed through life for supposedly having a girls name. Baracks father abandoned him at 2 years old dummy's. He had no choice on the name he was given anymore than I did. He has been a member of Trinity Church of Christ for 20 years. He believes that Jesus Christ is his Lord and Savior. He put his hand on the bible when he was sworn into the senate. By the way, Hillary had $342 million in pork barrel spending, Barack had $91 million. Hillary was really going to town spending the people's money!!! Being born in Hawaii... What a stupid article to bring up! Hawaii is a state of our Union fool. Why did you even bring this up. God bless America!!!
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Kitty9:19PMFeb 17th 2008
Donde era Obama para Latinos antes de que el necesitado nuestros votos? En ninguna parte en vista, aqui es donde. Latinos apoyara Clinton porque ella nos ha apoyado siempre.
Where was Obama for Latinos before he needed our votes? Nowhere in sight, that is where. Latinos will support Clinton because she has always supported us.
CLINTON '08
Faithful to Latinos - Not Just for Votes