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President Kerry to Run For 2nd Term
May 14th 2008 4:50PM
Filed Under:eHillary Clinton, Democrats, Barack Obama, 2008 President, Humor
cooling molten crater on the Southbound side of the Garden State Parkway. Paramedics took him to an undisclosed hospital, where he is reportedly in an "unresponsive state." 
Tom Fitsimmons, a spokesman for Mr. Christopher, has confirmed that the incident is related to his recent experiments with inter-dimensional travel.
Reporter: So, can we assume that you can't transport clothing or other objects to parallel universes?An early witness on the scene noted that the catatonic, fetally positioned space-time traveller was clutching a document of some sort, along with a $1 bill with a picture of Jesus on it. The witness retrieved the documentbefore the authorities arrived, but spent the dollar bill on a Lotto ticket.
Fitzsimmons: No, you can. You're thinking of the "Terminator" movies, that's time travel. We don't know what happened to his clothing.
What follows is the content of that document, a news article entitled:
President Kerry to Run For 2nd Term
May 14 - 2008 With yesterday's win in the West Virginia Democratic Primary, President John Kerry has all but sewn up his party's nomination to seek a second term.
Despite facing an insurmountable Kerry lead, Vice President Hillary Clinton vows to fight on to the convention in Buffalo, NY, this August. Vice President Clinton had appeared to be coasting to victory, on the strength of her support among black voters and non-French Americans. Her campaign, however, was derailed by media inquiries into her claim to have won 3 Purple Hearts and a Silver Star while touring Bosnia with the USO.
President Kerry can now turn his attention to his general election opponents, Jeb Bush and Joseph Liebermann. Kerry has yet to select a running mate, but former VP John Edwards has already quashed rumors of a reconciliation, and current VP Hillary Clinton is busy lobbying prominent mathmeticians to recalculate the primary vote in her favor. Illinois Senator Barack Obama is on the short list, but many suspect he is still bitter about being tased at a Kerry campaign event. Kerry is expected to offer the post to New York Governor Eliot Spitzer.
This primary race has been unusual in a number of ways. An incumbent President rarely faces challengers from his own party, let alone his own Vice President and former VP. President Kerry's political capital, however, has taken some major hits since his election in 2004, even beyond the Republicans' uninterrupted impeachment effort that began on February 3, 2004.
Hopes for Kerry's presidency were high following his inauguration, as many saw, in Kerry, a strong centrist answer to the Bush administration's polarizing brand of politics.
The honeymoon was over quickly, as this exchange from Kerry's first Presidential press conference attests:
President Kerry: Sorry for the delay, I was in the rest room...The press took Kerry to task frequently, providing valuable oversight and ensuring that Kerry did not unneccesarily end the US' occupation of Iraq. On one Presidential visit, Kerry rescued 2 wounded G.I.'s from a firefight, carrying them to safety on his shoulders, and the press quickly joined the debate among Republicans as to whether this constituted "cutting and running."
Jeff Gannon:Wait, so you were in the bathroom before you were out of it? Which is it, Mr. President?
President Kerry: Well, you se, Jeff, events which occur sequentially rather than concurrently can often lead to this kind of...
After Kerry's first attempt at a drawdown of troops, several reports of terrorist threats were leaked to the press. The public, frightened and confused, stood by as congressional Republicans, aided by the so-called Blue Dog Democrats, passed legislation establishing Congressional control over the occupation. Authored in amicus by George W. Bush, the "Fytin' 'em Over There Act of 2005" (FEOTA) passed the House and the Senate by a veto-proof majority.
Unable to get any of his agenda enacted, President Kerry took the Democrats into the 2006 mid-term election with just a single legislative accomplishment, a .30 per hour increase to the Federal Minimum wage. The measure passed when Kerry agreed to amendments eliminating overtime pay and introducing the "Jesus Dollar."
The Democrats were routed in the mid-terms, with the lone bright spot being the election to the Senate of Detroit Mayor Since then, the Republicans have enjoyed a veto-proof majority in both Houses of Congress, and have stalled every one of Kerry's judicial appointments.
Public dissatisfaction with Kerry is outstripped only by their outrage at the Republican-controlled Congress' ongoing effort to privatize police and fire departments.
The Democrats are hopeful about Kerry's chances in November. Despite his low approval ratings, he remains in a virtual tie with Bush and the upstart independent candidacy of Texas Congressman Ron Paul. Many analysts expect the popularity of Kerry's eventual running mate, Eliot Spitzer, to put him over the top.
Recent Comments
(Page 1 of 8)jpgoodrow5:12PMMay 14th 2008
OBAMA SNIDELY CALLED A REPORTER "SWEETIE" WHO ASKED HIM A TOUGH QUESTION.
Why is Obama so condescending to women?
CLINTON or MCCAIN '08
America Needs A President, Not Another Feelie-Good Obama Sermon
WESTCOAST5:14PMMay 14th 2008
JUST A JOKE --- HANOI JOHN KERRY IS OUTTA-HERE! HE NEEDS TO TAKE HIS BUDDY OBAMBI WITH HIM.
THIS IS FOR THE PEOPLE OF OREGON WHO ARE VOTING FOR THIS CLOWN.
So what does Obama do when he has no plan? He makes up a snazzy title for the pamphlet he delivers to homes.
CHANGE OREGON CAN BELIEVE IN:
“Barack Obama will reinvigorate the drinking water standards that have been weakened under the Bush administration and update them to address new threats. He will help communities by restoring better federal financing for water and wastewater treatment infrastructure, and he will continue his leadership in protecting national treasures like the Great Lakes from threats such as industrial pollution, water diversion, and invasive species. Obama will establish policies to help high-growth regions with the challenges of managing their water supplies.”
GREAT LAKES IN OREGON?
HE’S VISITED 57 STATES?
WHO IS THIS OBAMA?
WHAT COUNTRY IS HE RUNNING IN?
jpgoodrow5:21PMMay 14th 2008
CAMP OBAMA STARTED THE RACIAL GARBAGE when they falsely accused former President Clinton of being a racist, which is the precise moment Obama LOST THE WHITE HOUSE.
I for one will NEVER support Obama after his supporters started that crap. I would rather deal with McCain.
CLINTON or MCCAIN '08
America Needs A President, Not Another Feelie-Good Obama Sermon
mafresources5:23PMMay 14th 2008
"Clinton Extends Her Lead Among Congressional Districts"
Check out what no one wants to talk about:
http://politicallydrunk.blogspot.com/2008/05/clinton-extends-her-lead-among.html
ovrdwg5:50PMMay 14th 2008
Mildly amusing. Stick to this sort of fiction, keep taking your meds, don't venture out too often, and you'll be fine.
TJ5:53PMMay 14th 2008
TOMMY XTOPHER, WHAT DID YOU DRINK TODAY, MAN?
TJ5:59PMMay 14th 2008
DIDNT EDWARDS ENDORSE OBAMA ALREADY. LIKE GOING TO ALL THE SHOWS AND PRAISING OBAMA...
THE WOULD-LOVE-TO-BE-LIKE CLINTONS
RICHARDSON JOE ANDREWS-MEN WHO CANT BE LIKE BILL CLINTON.
TRAITORS/BACKSTABBER
UNITE UNDER A NOMINEE..
YEAH, HILLARY FOR INSTANCE WHO CAN WIN.
EVERYTHING HE DOES HAS POLITICAL INVESTMENT, EVEN HIS WIFE'S CANCER IS A POLITICAL CAPITAL.
skip6:02PMMay 14th 2008
If Hillary don't get nomination, I hope she runs as independant. Otherwise I will not vote fora President.
MichelleG6:11PMMay 14th 2008
OMG! Now my eyes have gone crossed! (really!)
Que sera sera6:24PMMay 14th 2008
In Barack Hussein Obama Jr.own words and the words of his father.
"All of my life, I carried a single image of my father, one that I .. tried to take as my own." (p. 220) And what was that image? It was "the father of my dreams, the man in my mother's stories, full of high-blown ideals .." (p. 278) What is more, Obama tells us that, "It was into my father's image .. that I'd packed all the attributes I sought in myself." And also that, "I did feel that there was something to prove .. to my father" in his efforts at political organizing. (p. 230)
Barack Obama in his book Dreams of My Father but he neglected to tell all his father dreamed and schemed of.
100% taxation
communal farms / the elimination of private farming
the nationalization of businesses owned by “Europeans” and “Asians”.
“active” measures to bring about a classless society
For more:
http://gregransom.com/prestopundit/2008/04/gregs-guide-to-barack-obamas-d.html
I have a copy of Barack Obama's paper here in my hand, obtained from the stacks at UCLA (see the picture above). The paper is as describe by Odhiambo and Cohen, a cutting attack from the left on Tom Mboya's historically important policy paper "African Socialism and Its Applicability to Planning in Kenya." The author is given as "Barak H. Obama" and his paper is titled "Problems Facing Our Socialism", published July, 1965 in the East African Journal, pp. 26-33. [UPDATE: I sent Politico a copy, and they've posted a PDF file of the paper here.]
Obama,Sr. stakes out the following positions in his attacks on the white paper produced by Mboya's Ministry of Economic Planning and Development:
1. Obama advocated the communal ownership of land and the forced confiscation of privately controlled land, as part of a forced "development plan", an important element of his attack on the government's advocacy of private ownership, land titles, and property registration. (p. 29)
2. Obama advocated the nationalization of "European" and "Asian" owned enterprises, including hotels, with the control of these operations handed over to the "indigenous" black population. (pp. 32 -33)
3. * Obama advocated dramatically increasing taxation on "the rich" even up to the 100% level, arguing that, "there is no limit to taxation if the benefits derived from public services by society measure up to the cost in taxation which they have to pay" (p. 30) and that, "Theoretically, there is nothing that can stop the government from taxing 100% of income so long as the people get benefits from the government commensurate with their income which is taxed." (p. 31)
4. Obama contrasts the ill-defined and weak-tea notion of "African Socialism" negatively with the well-defined ideology of "scientific socialism", i.e. communism. Obama views "African Socialism" pioneers like Nkrumah, Nyerere, and Toure as having diverted only "a little" from the capitalist system. (p. 26)
5. Obama advocates an "active" rather than a "passive" program to achieve a classless society through the removal of economic disparities between black Africans and Asian and Europeans. (p. 28) "While we welcome the idea of a prevention [of class problems], we should try to cure what has slipped in . we .. need to eliminate power structures that have been built through excessive accumulation so that not only a few individuals shall control a vast magnitude of resources as is the case now .. so long as we maintain free enterprise one cannot deny that some will accumulate more than others .. " (pp. 29-30)
6. Obama advocates price controls on hotels and the tourist industry, so that the middle class and not only the rich can afford to come to Kenya as tourists. (p. 33)
7. Obama advocates government owned and operated "model farms" as a means of teaching modern farming techniques to farmers. (p. 33)
8. Obama strongly supports the governments assertion of a "non-aligned" status in the contest between Western nations and communist nations aligned with the Soviet Union and China. (p. 26)
* By ANDREW TAYLOR, Associated Press Writer Tue May 13, 7:59 PM ET WASHINGTON - House Democrats are proposing a tax surcharge on millionaires to pay for a big increase in education benefits for veterans of the war in Iraq, lawmakers said Tuesday. (Has it already started?)
SHAME ON YOU6:31PMMay 14th 2008
Regardless of who you support, wouldn't the world be a better place without all this hatred. If the candidate you are supporting is not ashamed to have the support of people with such malicious hatred toward other people, they should be ashamed and embarrased and denouce YOU. To those of you with such nastyness toward others: If you do go to church need to get on your knees and pray and repent. If you are not church goers you need to look deep inside to see what your problem is and what is driving your hatred of others. Kindness toward others is the way to survice and thrive. Here is wishing peace and love to all of youno matter who you support.
Pennsylvania Voter6:37PMMay 14th 2008
http://fldeservesrecognition.com/FL_PetitionMail.html
ALL WHO FEEL FLORIDA AND MICHIGAN BE COUNTED PLEASE SIGN AND MAIL THE FLORIDA PETITION ABOVE, I DID.
I live in PA, but my mother who passed away voted last election for Gore. But she had a stroke and confused and so studied the absentee sample ballot in Palm Beach County well, but the real ballot was changed and thousands upon thousands of absentee ballots therefore were voted incorrectly. Her last ballot before her death didn't count. Here is a women who left behind signed thank you letters from John Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Humphrey and more and who was a delegate whose last Presidential vote didn't count.
Now her daughter, my sister Kitty, who since 45 (now) 50 is disabled and can't walk, barely use hands and barely talk voted absentee (I was there and helped her). She was so excited and I walked into her room and I couldn't understand her so she pushed the absentee ballot at me and mouthed "HELP". She voted and most animated I have seen her since being stricken. She will forever be in a nursing home, but wanted to vote.
Now Obama is blocking her vote. I am sickened by this.
In a democracy every vote is to count. I feel the DNC has placed us in third world country where a dictatorship (aka DNC) has blocked millions of voters and especially my sister from voting.
PLEASE HELP MY SISTERS VOTE COUNT.
Old Lady USA7:00PMMay 14th 2008
Tommy - Sorry about the meds ....
Sooooo good to see Edwards. Was it Diana who wished the dream of Obama/Edwards? What a sight!!!
Will swing back on your vision above.
Don Reed7:06PMMay 14th 2008
You my friend are beyond highlarious. I fell into this for the first time - not knowing it was comedy. Then like 10 lines in - STARTED DYING LAUGHING when i realized! LOLLOLOLOLO WHEW!!
wishbone7:14PMMay 14th 2008
www.DUMMYTV.com - OBAMA IS AMERICA'S BEST BET AT THIS TIME IN HISTORY. THE SAME KNUCKLEHEADS WHO GOT FOOLED BY BUSH ARE READY TO TAKE US DOWN ANOTHER OF THE SAME UNDER-HANDED, DISHONEST, UNETHICAL ROAD. HOPEFULLY, THE SMARTER, MORE AWAKE AND AWARE WILL FINALLY WIN OUT. OBAMA IS THE MOST REAL CANDIDATE RUNNING. HE IS NOT PERFECT--BUT HE IS THE MOST HONEST OF THOSE RUNNING. BILL RICHARDSON WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD, ALSO. BUT CLINTON IS THE WORST. WAKE UP AND SUPPORT OBAMA--AMERICA'S BEST BET FOR THE FUTURE. www.DUMMYTV.com
Tommy Christopher7:18PMMay 14th 2008
O,
yeah, I guess, but I'm disturbed by the timing. Maybe I'll write more on that tomorrow.
YouBeturSweet Bippy7:20PMMay 14th 2008
I didn't think TC could get any more ridiculous...I was wrong. Can't remember the last time I actually read a story.
YouBeturSweet Bippy7:22PMMay 14th 2008
I didn't think TC could get even more ridiculous...I was wrong. Can't remember the last time I actually read a story.
Old Lady USA7:56PMMay 14th 2008
Tommy -
Agree on the timing.
Your recent post was right on, I held comment cuz I've been grumpy with him in the way he left - kind of "hi - it's been real - bye" After I calmed down I had to give him his space, he had his reasons and he would tell in time.
In fact, I took a long time to come over to Obama, because I kept hearing Edwards' words - "change", "one country", "special interests"...
Then, I rolled the tape all the way back and realized that Dean set this pace. Then, the Universe brought the appropriate dominos to be played at just the right time.
What I really liked how Edwards treated Hillary tonight.
If you have the time, it would be great to read more.
Maybe the tfitz-inator can do an interview.
Thanks for listening. Now, I have to go take my meds.
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Black Woman Against Obama5:05PMMay 14th 2008
Just a suggestion Tommy, but your medication may need recalibrating, the dosage not the medication itself......