Search
About This Blog
Resources
Blog Roll
- Captain's Quarters
- Cliff Schecter
- CNN's Political Ticker
- Conservative Grapevine
- Crooks & Liars
- Daily Kos
- Drudge
- FactCheck.org
- Huffington Post
- Instapundit
- Little Green Footballs
- News Bloggers
- Political-Buzz
- Power Line
- RedState
- Slate - Trailhead
- Swampland
- Talking Points Memo
- The Daily Dish
- The Plank
- The Young Turks
- Wonkette
President Kerry to Run For 2nd Term
By Tommy ChristopherMay 14th 2008 4:50PM
Filed Under:eHillary Clinton, Democrats, Barack Obama, 2008 President, Humor
cooling molten crater on the Southbound side of the Garden State Parkway. Paramedics took him to an undisclosed hospital, where he is reportedly in an "unresponsive state." 
Tom Fitsimmons, a spokesman for Mr. Christopher, has confirmed that the incident is related to his recent experiments with inter-dimensional travel.
Reporter: So, can we assume that you can't transport clothing or other objects to parallel universes?An early witness on the scene noted that the catatonic, fetally positioned space-time traveller was clutching a document of some sort, along with a $1 bill with a picture of Jesus on it. The witness retrieved the documentbefore the authorities arrived, but spent the dollar bill on a Lotto ticket.
Fitzsimmons: No, you can. You're thinking of the "Terminator" movies, that's time travel. We don't know what happened to his clothing.
What follows is the content of that document, a news article entitled:
President Kerry to Run For 2nd Term
May 14 - 2008 With yesterday's win in the West Virginia Democratic Primary, President John Kerry has all but sewn up his party's nomination to seek a second term.
Despite facing an insurmountable Kerry lead, Vice President Hillary Clinton vows to fight on to the convention in Buffalo, NY, this August. Vice President Clinton had appeared to be coasting to victory, on the strength of her support among black voters and non-French Americans. Her campaign, however, was derailed by media inquiries into her claim to have won 3 Purple Hearts and a Silver Star while touring Bosnia with the USO.
President Kerry can now turn his attention to his general election opponents, Jeb Bush and Joseph Liebermann. Kerry has yet to select a running mate, but former VP John Edwards has already quashed rumors of a reconciliation, and current VP Hillary Clinton is busy lobbying prominent mathmeticians to recalculate the primary vote in her favor. Illinois Senator Barack Obama is on the short list, but many suspect he is still bitter about being tased at a Kerry campaign event. Kerry is expected to offer the post to New York Governor Eliot Spitzer.
This primary race has been unusual in a number of ways. An incumbent President rarely faces challengers from his own party, let alone his own Vice President and former VP. President Kerry's political capital, however, has taken some major hits since his election in 2004, even beyond the Republicans' uninterrupted impeachment effort that began on February 3, 2004.
Hopes for Kerry's presidency were high following his inauguration, as many saw, in Kerry, a strong centrist answer to the Bush administration's polarizing brand of politics.
The honeymoon was over quickly, as this exchange from Kerry's first Presidential press conference attests:
President Kerry: Sorry for the delay, I was in the rest room...The press took Kerry to task frequently, providing valuable oversight and ensuring that Kerry did not unneccesarily end the US' occupation of Iraq. On one Presidential visit, Kerry rescued 2 wounded G.I.'s from a firefight, carrying them to safety on his shoulders, and the press quickly joined the debate among Republicans as to whether this constituted "cutting and running."
Jeff Gannon:Wait, so you were in the bathroom before you were out of it? Which is it, Mr. President?
President Kerry: Well, you se, Jeff, events which occur sequentially rather than concurrently can often lead to this kind of...
After Kerry's first attempt at a drawdown of troops, several reports of terrorist threats were leaked to the press. The public, frightened and confused, stood by as congressional Republicans, aided by the so-called Blue Dog Democrats, passed legislation establishing Congressional control over the occupation. Authored in amicus by George W. Bush, the "Fytin' 'em Over There Act of 2005" (FEOTA) passed the House and the Senate by a veto-proof majority.
Unable to get any of his agenda enacted, President Kerry took the Democrats into the 2006 mid-term election with just a single legislative accomplishment, a .30 per hour increase to the Federal Minimum wage. The measure passed when Kerry agreed to amendments eliminating overtime pay and introducing the "Jesus Dollar."
The Democrats were routed in the mid-terms, with the lone bright spot being the election to the Senate of Detroit Mayor Since then, the Republicans have enjoyed a veto-proof majority in both Houses of Congress, and have stalled every one of Kerry's judicial appointments.
Public dissatisfaction with Kerry is outstripped only by their outrage at the Republican-controlled Congress' ongoing effort to privatize police and fire departments.
The Democrats are hopeful about Kerry's chances in November. Despite his low approval ratings, he remains in a virtual tie with Bush and the upstart independent candidacy of Texas Congressman Ron Paul. Many analysts expect the popularity of Kerry's eventual running mate, Eliot Spitzer, to put him over the top.
Recent Comments
(Page 2 of 8)Victor8:29PMMay 14th 2008
My fellow Democrats, Obama lost by 41 points in West Virginia.
Its TIME for ANOTHER landslide victory for HILLARY next Tuesday
The KENNEDY boys club try to "broker a president" because they are afraid of a competent intelligent woman like Hillary. They want to "anoint Obama" without counting the votes of all 50 states. They want to stop the proces before all 50 states voted. I will not stand for it.
Michigan and Florda are bing ignored, pushed aside, disenfranchised so that the far-left special interest can force themselves into the white house. They also disrespect and riducule the hard working American people. What they forget is WE the people have the voice and WE have the votes.
VOTE HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT, THE BEST CHOICE FOR THE PEOPLE.
Messge to the DNC: Obama = landslide loss in November
Victor8:29PMMay 14th 2008
My fellow Democrats, Obama lost by 41 points in West Virginia.
Its TIME for ANOTHER landslide victory for HILLARY next Tuesday
The KENNEDY boys club try to "broker a president" because they are afraid of a competent intelligent woman like Hillary. They want to "anoint Obama" without counting the votes of all 50 states. They want to stop the proces before all 50 states voted. I will not stand for it.
Michigan and Florda are bing ignored, pushed aside, disenfranchised so that the far-left special interest can force themselves into the white house. They also disrespect and riducule the hard working American people. What they forget is WE the people have the voice and WE have the votes.
VOTE HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT, THE BEST CHOICE FOR THE PEOPLE.
Messge to the DNC: Obama = landslide loss in November
AMERICANPIE8:30PMMay 14th 2008
I think Barack, should really cut back on the Mary-Jane, he’s been smoking, as it’s affecting his brain…..
Your right though I have made alot of errors in my time too…I guess he’s entitled to his, but it would help if he cut back on the Mary-Jane..maybe you could pass the word to him…
Formerly Concerned American8:41PMMay 14th 2008
Tommy,
Awesome story, I could read those all evening.
To those mentioning Florida and Michigan, isn't it too little too late even if they did count our votes. As a resident of Florida and 9 year registered democrat I decided that I will never vote for a representative of a party who decided the democrats of two states had no say in their representative. I did not change the primary date. I did nothing except support a party only to be told that my vote did not matter. I will never in my life ever vote for a member of their party, simple as that. I will write in a vote if I truly despise the republican nominee, but at least my vote will be counted in their primary to choose a representative of the party to which I now belong. It's a matter of principle and I for one do not want any member of a party with those type of ethics running this country.
Kim8:43PMMay 14th 2008
FALN Pardons of 1999
On August 11, 1999, Bill Clinton commuted the sentences of sixteen members of FALN that set off bombs several times in New York City and Chicago, convicted for conspiracies to commit robbery, bomb-making, and sedition, as well as for firearms and explosives violations.] None of the sixteen were convicted of bombings or any crime which injured another person, and all of the sixteen had served nineteen years or longer in prison, which was a longer sentence than such crimes typically received, according to the White House
Kim8:45PMMay 14th 2008
NOTE BILL CLINTON PARDONED TWO UNDERGROUND MEMBER INDIVIDUALS JUST BEFORE HE LEFT OFFICE OR EARLIER
Asked if Hillary Clinton had expressed any disagreement with her husband’s actions in commuting the sentences of Rosenberg and Evans, Wolfson said only that he would ask the candidate.
Kim8:45PMMay 14th 2008
Prez. Clinton pardoned 14 Puerto Rican terrorists (FALN) to promote
Hilary for her Senate seat in New York. 130 bombing attacks that
killed and maimed Americans because this group wanted to separate
from America
ethel chalk9:13PMMay 14th 2008
black woman aginst obama glad to see you here my family talk about me because i say i never will vote obama obama have divde everything family again family and ask then why i sure vote for him they say because he is black and when i ask any ather ? they cannot tell me one reason and that make me know black people are voting for him because he black and the white people voting for him because they donot like the clinton
Mary O\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\9:15PMMay 14th 2008
Kerry/Obama, not much difference. Obama scares me for many reasons. Not just the flag thing, but many more issues. Yes she win big and thank you West Virginia for keeping our greatest hope for November alive and well. I'm so sick of "do the math". It was less than 3 months ago the pundits said Obama cannot win by math alone. Thump, 41 points, thump, West Virginia. You do the math. Obama cannot win in the general election. We Democrats need to do the right thing and nominate Hillary. She can win in November without Obama and he can't win without her (not that he would ask or she would accept). Just like some men, pundits, DNC, news media, to ask the woman to make him President. Please wake up, voters left and superdelegates, it's not over yet, and Hillary will win and prevail in the end!!! Also, please donate to Hillary at:
www.hillaryclinton.com
Crystal9:26PMMay 14th 2008
They kept it a secret about Edward's endorsement until AFTER WV because had Edwards done so before WV he would have looked like the loser he is with Hillary's big win. What a bunch of low life men! Kennedy, Kerry, McGovern, and the rest of them.
YouBeturSweet Bippy9:38PMMay 14th 2008
Tommy..you and Old Lady should just get together for a private chat since the Obama supporters seem to have disappeared.
Robbie9:39PMMay 14th 2008
I want to know where are all the comments about McCain`s pastor? Why aren`t we hearing about it the way we heard about Obama`s pastor.
Mac9:41PMMay 14th 2008
you guys that don't like Obama let's face it is because he black. most of you can't fathom the fact that a black man maybe president. i know most of you think the blacks are lazy, not smart however over the last 230 plus year who has ran this country through all kind of mess the white man. i know that you'r scared mr. white man but let it go. i do applaud those white's that think outside the box and look beyond color. Say it with me President Barack Obama.
Nicole9:58PMMay 14th 2008
Sore losers, er I mean people,
Give it up huh. There is a reason this article only has two or three comment pages. It seems less of you are logging on to commiserate and spew your nonsense about Obama since the more "intelligent" folks can clearly see the handwriting on the wall.
Edwards deliberately waited to give his support to the APPARENT nominee. He clearly let the more substantial primaries and superdelagate scenario unfold before picking a candidate to endorse. He clearly did the math. To say anything else is simply the result of bitterness and irrational thinking.
FL/MI - Geez...one more time folks. Say it with me now - "Not Gonna Happen." '00 was DEFINITELY an instance of disenfranchisement. This time its an instance of those states' local DNC willfully and knowingly breaking the rules (not quite the same as hanging or dimpled chads is it?)
Speaking of irrational, its no surprise that I continue to see the same lot of you logging on to gripe about something that is already done. Still signing your comments "GO HILLARY." Still posting long, false rhetoric filled diatribes that no one else is reading except ...other angry Sillary fans. WAKE UP FOLKS...Hills is already taking actions that demonstrate she WILL concede before the Convention - as she should. She is setting the stage. Maybe if you opened your eyes, you would see that she wanted to win W.VA and KY big too bolster her shot and validity to become the obvious pick for a running mate. Duh.
And you folks are still kissing her butt eventhough she has technically already left you. WOW. BTW, when SNL jokes about how racist Sillary's supporters are - let's just say that means its glaringly obvious to more than just Black Obama supporters. Ignorant people like YOU are making the Democratic party a laughing stock. I hope you're proud of yourselves. Now take a moment and get a clue.
RaeJ189:59PMMay 14th 2008
Tommy,
That was great!!!!! I almost fell off my chair :)
You certainly have flair.
Armenianbabe510:08PMMay 14th 2008
WESTCOAST5:14PMMay 14th 2008
HE’S VISITED 57 STATES?
WHO IS THIS OBAMA?
WHAT COUNTRY IS HE RUNNING IN?
...... there are 57 muslim states.obanana's mistaking united states with muslim states..lol what a fock up
Nicole10:10PMMay 14th 2008
Oh yeah - did I forget to mention how ridiculous it is that Hillary has to come back and URGE her bitter, fanatical, spiteful extremists (supposed Democratic)supporters to vote for the actual DEMOCRATIC nominee. Just another indictation of the damage she has done.
Also just another indication that your attitudes are NOT pleasing to her...that your attitudes are far less about loyalty to Hillary and moreso about just plain hatred for Obama. WOW. Some it is as simple as racism and some of it is simply a case of going off the extreme deep end by believing all of this garbage rhetoric that you have no authority, facts or proof to base the nonsense on. Talk about Denial. WOW.
Nicole10:13PMMay 14th 2008
Armenianbabe5 -
Are you late with the 57 states NON-ISSUE? That article came out last week. Not exactly the subject of TODAY's comment posts.
Ummmmm...Might not want to call others a "fock-up."
Daisuke10:38PMMay 14th 2008
Finally, Go African-American....
Go Obama 08/12
Thanks the great Africa, especially Kenya, for blessing the US with Senator Obama.
Latest Elections News Headlines
Latest Politics Headlines
Most Commented On Posts
Most Recent Comments
Political Machine Photo Galleries
Politics Video
 | Will.I.Am on Obama's Internet EmpireWill.I.Am ponders on how Obama and the internet have changed politics forever. (Oct. 3) |
 | Mo Rocca 180: Dolly vs. AbeDolly Parton or Abe Lincoln? You must choose! |
 | Reid: Presidential Politics Harming Bailout PlanSenate Majority Leader Harry Reid said Friday that the time has come for presidential politics to leave the negotiating table as lawmakers work to reach an agreement on a financial bailout plan. (Sept. 26) |
 | Dems Blame McCain for Bailout Deal BreakdownSen. John McCain's self-portrait as a bold leader willing to set politics aside to save an endangered financial bailout plan took a pounding Thursday from top Democrats and even some fellow Republicans. (Sept. 25) |
 | Street Team '08: Pigskin PoliticsA football game is the last place you'd expect to find political proselytizing, but this year Democrats are ready to make a hail mary pass in Idaho. Produced by Brian Rich of Idaho for MTV's Choose or Lose Streat Team '08 at chooseorlose.com. (Sept. 25) |
| « See More Politics Video | |
Declare Yourself is a campaign that encourages young Americans to register and vote.
REGISTER TO VOTE NOW AT:www.declareyourself.org
KMD8:00PMMay 14th 2008
A bedtime story for Tommy,
Today the Obama wolf is in your back yard Michiganders.
He says you are stupid, gullible, easy white working sheep.
He is pandering his lies, false promises, cloaked anti-Americanism and black racism.
He wants you to believe that a vote for him will erase his racism against you.
The Obama wolf underestimates you, because you are wise to his disguise.
You see him for what he is _ the stealer of votes for jobs, dreams, health care, and national security.
He is bed with terrorists, and he stinks!
Tommy help the Michiganders send that stinking wolf home with nothing, but the message:
Hillary for President 2008