Humor

Back in 1960, four University of Michigan professors published a landmark study that, to the nation's utter shock, found that Americans are nothing but lemmings when it comes to our most sacred Democratic rite, voting. Titled "The American Voter," the study revealed that, by and large, Democrats and Republicans voted for their respective parties for no better reason than that was what their parents had done before them. Independents, the study claimed, were even less informed than their partisan neighbors. In fact, if anything, they were less interested and involved in politics than the donkeys or the elephants.

Over the ensuing 48 years, a lot has changed in our country. We've seen great leaders assassinated, fought a disastrous war in Vietnam, seen a president resign in disgrace, helped dismantle the Soviet Union, learned interesting uses for Altoids, and invaded Iraq based on faulty intelligence. In short, we've been given every reason to start paying attention to the issues that face our country so that we can make an informed decision about who we elect to governmental office. What's that old saying? Something about learning from the mistakes of the past so that we're not doomed to repeat them in the present?

Well, consider us doomed. That's the gist of an update to "The American Voter," aptly titled, "The American Voter Revisited."

Longest-running syndicated columnist EVER, Bob Novak, was cited today by DC police after hitting a pedestrian with his black Corvette and driving off. This is different than his normal hit and run jobs - this time a person was physically injured.

There is no early indication that a) the person was a Democrat or b) it was road-rage induced by finding out that he had been duped, yet again for political purposes, by the McCain campaign.

As luck would have it, a Politico reporter and film crew were nearby (thank goodness, I'd hate to have to wait 3 years for a grand jury and Patrick Fitzgerald to find out what happened) to record the goings-on.

As reported by Politico (via HuffPo):

A Politico reporter saw Novak in the front of a police car with a citation in his hand; a WJLA-TV crew and reporter saw Novak as well. The pedestrian, a 66-year-old male, was hospitalized at George Washington University Hospital with minor injuries, according to DC Fire and EMS. Novak was later released by police and drove away from the scene.

"I didn't know I hit him. I feel terrible," a shaken Novak told reporters from Politico and WJLA as he was returning to his car. "He's not dead, that's the main thing." Novak said he was a block away from 18th and K streets Northwest, where the accident happened, when a bicyclist stopped him and said, "You hit someone." He said he was cited for failing to yield the right of way.

[snip]

As he traveled east on K Street, crossing 18th, (bicyclist and witness) Bono said a "black Corvette convertible with top closed plowed into the guy. The guy is sort of splayed onto the windshield."

Here's your "Jeopardy!" clue: This father of the director of "The Passion of the Christ" believes that Vatican II reforms instituted by the Catholic church were the result of "a Masonic plot backed by the Jews."

Um, um, who is John Hagee? Buzzz. Wrong answer.

Via Wonkette comes news that the race for the endorsement none of the candidates actually wanted, Mel Gibson's father, Hutton Gibson, is finally over (actually, as one of our reader's points out, it was over a while ago). Gibson has officially given the nod to Ron Paul. Gibson, the elder, has been in the public eye for a variety of reasons, including his stint as a Jeopardy Grand Champion, as well as his good standing as a Holocaust denier.




Yes, there's joy in Paulville tonight, or maybe not. Paul himself might not be too keen on having one more supporter who thinks that the twin towers were toppled by remote controlled explosives, not those gas-filled jets.

Can't seem to find his on a map...

When asked by ABC's Good Morning America if the situation in Afghanistan is, as Obama says, "precarious and urgent", Senator McCain neatly dodged the sematics and moved right to the issue most pressing to the American people and the world - the situation on the Iraq-Pakistan border. Is that anywhere near Czechoslovakia? For those of you tempted to throw out "57 states", don't. Not even close...

Here's the vid [h/t Think Progress]

As was artfully covered by my colleague Mark Impomeni, the Bush Administration's "third way" in Iraq, "a general time horizon for meeting aspirational goals" (I think that was one of my performance objectives for my day job) has raised some questions about how a "time horizon" is different from a "timeline".

The author of this stirring prose must have been a project manager in a prior life. This PMO term is defined as "A time horizon, also known as a planning horizon, is a fixed point of time in the future at which point certain processes will be evaluated or assumed to end. It is necessary in an accounting, finance or risk management regime to assign such a fixed horizon time so that alternatives can be evaluated for performance over the same period of time".

Now remember that a timeline is very bad and a time horizon is very good. Now on to the giggles from Scarborough and crowd, to the dismay of former Bush admin Secretary of State Andrew Card. The fun starts about 2 minutes in.

"Dying is easy, comedy is hard." - Sir Donald Wolfit

The New York Times is reporting that humor is having a difficult time gaining traction with Barack Obama. On the heels of the New Yorker flap (covered by David Knowles here, and by me here and here), the Times examined the political humor landscape, and found it curiously Obama-free.

Why? The reason cited by most of those involved in the shows is that a fundamental factor is so far missing in Mr. Obama: There is no comedic "take" on him, nothing easy to turn to for an easy laugh, like allegations of Bill Clinton's womanizing, or President Bush's goofy bumbling or Al Gore's robotic persona.

"The thing is, he's not buffoonish in any way," said Mike Barry, who started writing political jokes for Johnny Carson's monologues in the waning days of the Johnson administration and has lambasted every presidential candidate since, most recently for Mr. Letterman. "He's not a comical figure," Mr. Barry said.

Humor is sort of a hobby of mine, so my first reaction was, "C'mon, these guys are just lazy. You can make a joke out of anything."

I did a quickie Google of Barack Obama Humor, to see what was out there. What I found will amaze you...

As The Nation magazine's Max Blumental says, "(McCain financial advisor Phil) Gramm was an accident waiting to happen."

In an exposé of Gramm, in part motiviated by the now famous "whiners" comment, Blumenthal recounts Gramm's less-than-stellar career including his disasterous 1996 presidential bid, close ties to Ken Lay and Enron and the funnest fact of all - his financing of a softcore porn flick pictured at the left - Truck Stop Women.

Who could have known that this loser career politician had financed a movie back in 1973 that had a tagline that read "No Rig Was Too Big For Them To Handle"? Phil's brother-in-law George Caton (why is it always the BIL?) came to Gramm with a great offer - invest $15K in a sure winner.

Via The Wall Street Journal, we learn that Cindy and John McCain will be making out like bandits from the sale of America's largest beer company, Budweiser, to Belgian's InBev NV:

Mrs. McCain's company owns between $2.5 to $5 million in Anheuser stock, meaning it will earn $800,000 to $1.6 million premium on the pre-deal stock price. Although Senate personal financial disclosure forms only say that Mrs. McCain's firm owns at least $1 million, a Democratic aide points out that it also reports $50,000-$100,000 in dividends in 2007.

Sweet. No word yet on how many American workers will lose their jobs, though the new foreign-owned mega company plans to keep Bud's base in St. Louis. Yes, Europeans are loving the weakened dollar. They're popping over the Atlantic to scoop up jeans and beer companies.

John McCain, who, after flip-flopping o the issue, wants to keep Bush's tax cuts on capital gains, is now reaping personal benefit for siding with the president:

Cashing out could leave the McCains with hefty capital gains, which would be taxed at a rate of 15% under the Bush tax cuts that John McCain opposed and now supports.

Well, happy days for the McCains. Three cheers for Belgium!

This week's cover of The New Yorker magazine portrays Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, standing in the Oval Office after winning the presidential election. Of course, that vision alone is enough to get some people worked up. But the illustrator, Barry Blitt, has pulled out all the stops in his portrayal of the would-be first couple. Barack wears a turban and tribal Muslim attire. His wife, who has combed out her afro, wears a semi-automatic rifle on her back and gives her husband a "terrorist fist-jab" beneath a painting of Osama bin Laden that hangs above a fireplace aflame with the American flag.

In short, the cartoonist is capturing the essence of the right-wing's Obama nightmare/wet-dream. To my mind, it's a brilliant piece of satire, precisely because it exposes how laughably transparent many Americans are in their Obamaphobia. But not everyone agrees, of course, including the Obama campaign. Via ABC's Jake Tapper:

Said Obama spox Bill Burton: "The New Yorker may think, as one of their staff explained to us, that their cover is a satirical lampoon of the caricature Senator Obama's right-wing critics have tried to create. But most readers will see it as tasteless and offensive. And we agree.

Knowing the liberal politics of the magazine, I believe the magazine's staff when they say the illustration is meant ironically, as a parody of the caricature some conservatives (and some supporters of Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y.) are painting of the Obamas..."

And (via Politico) the McCain campaign is also offended:

McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds quickly e-mailed: "We completely agree with the Obama campaign, it's tasteless and offensive."

Does Burton have a point? Sure. This image will no doubt become an e-mail-forwarded classic. To his enemies, the cover will represent not a joke, but the ultimate "I told you so!" Essentially, then, the argument against the cover is that it's too subtle for stupid people to understand. Thus, The New Yorker should lower its intellectual standards so that the basest among us (including those that the cartoon is lampooning) don't get the wrong idea.

To my mind, however, the cover art helps Obama more than it hurts him because A) it is funny, and B) it confronts the outlandish perceptions that many have Americans have of Obama head on. The image won't convert anybody into thinking Obama is a terrorist, it simply exposes the prejudices that already exist. Besides, it's good practice for when the real life Obamas take over residence in the White House. After all, an American president is perhaps the single most popular subject for cartoonists in the world.

Gazillionaire "HillRaiser" Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild, mistress of the 3,200-acre Rothschild family estate in Buckinghamshire, England and wife of British banking financier Sir Evelyn Robert Adrian de Rothschild had this to say about Barack Obama, "This is a hard decision for me personally because, frankly, I don't like him. I feel like he is an elitist. I feel like he has not given me reason to trust him". Thanks to my friend Kevin K. over at Rumproast for this and calling it "The Most Hypocritical Thing Ever Uttered on Television".

The Best PUMA-snark on the intertubes resides here, here, here and here. Thanks, Will Bower, for your unending inspiration to provide me and many others daily hilarity heretofore unknown since the advent of the internet. Here's a little taste:

The PUMAs are looking for pretty people:

The Just Say No Deal Coalition is putting together a commercial and they need fresh faces. Friendly faces. All they are asking from you is that you use your first name and give your city and state. They also ask that you provide a high quality photograph that focuses upon you. Personal or professional. Your confidentiality is assured.
I found some candidates.

"Just say Nobama!"