Yay, Jayden! You made it to age 1, despite your parentage. Keep it up!

Wish the youngest Spears-Federline creation a very happy birthday below!

Our secret sources happened upon the guest list that Miss. Simpson created for her B-day bash:

1) Ken Paves

2) uh.....

(We've been told this is the final draft.)

We love you Jess, but it seems like your social life is one big Party of Two.

Tom --

On behalf of the German government, who recently banned you from filming on their military base because you're a Scientologist (Germany discriminating against someone because of their religion? How about that), allow us here at The Cooler to provide you a delicious German treat, the infamous Black Forest cake. Let Suri stick her fingers in the frosting, will ya? Katie can have a slice too.

Best,

The Cooler

We here at The Cooler love dishing out birthday wishes to our favorite celebrities, but a 21st birthday is something that deserves a bit more than cake! Plus, we doubt we'll ever get to celebrate a 21st twins bday any time soon unless another underage pair gets famous quick. So, Mary Kate and Ashley, since this is the first time your lips will ever taste booze (chuckle chuckle), we have cooked a proper 21st birthday party for you -- cake and tequila.

Love, The Cooler.
P.S.: No puking.

Dear Pete Wentz,

Happy belated birthday! Sorry I'm a day late. Actually, I'm not sorry, because I hate you. And not because you wear more black eyeliner than a sorority girl at a Pimps 'n Hoes mixer. I hate you because I don't think you're a very supportive boyfriend to Miss. Ashlee Simpson. Now, I know she's gotten a lot of flack for her inability to really do much other than look plastically fantastic, but she's my girl. I brought a picture of her new nose to my plastic surgeon and let me tell you- post-surgery, my self-esteem was at an all time high.

Anyway, back to why you suck. In an interview with MTV, you said that collaboration with her highness was "the silliest recent rumor" you've read. What? Why? Did you not treat your ears to "La La?"

But that wasn't the most disgusting, bad-boyfriend-dump-me-immediately thing you said. Oh, no. When asked about Ash's recent projects you said: "I heard part of a demo that I liked."

That you.....liked? Wait, I bet you meant to say you "love, are obsessed with, think about endlessly, in fact, even now as we're chatting, I'm humming the chorus in my tiny mind?" the alleged demo? The first rule of dating another person in your industry is SHAMELESS SIGNIFICANT OTHER PROMOTION. Even I know that, and I only sing in the shower.

XOXO

J.LO

(Just Looking Out)


How much does Pete care about Ashlee? (Jamie McCarthy, WireImage.com)

• GirlGoneLeBron: Angelina Jolie turned 32 today.
• GirlGoneGrady: Wow, she looks much older.